I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
