no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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