The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
