so that wasnt chicken after all
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
