booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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