Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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