And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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