I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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