just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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