It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
