So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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