i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
