My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
