just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
