I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
