she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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