If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
