Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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