Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
