he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
