just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize