he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
