well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
