I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
