i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I think i peed on brittanys purse
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
