U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
