2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
