Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
