I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
