would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
