Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
