I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
