New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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