He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
