how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
