She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
