Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Is it penis luge time yet?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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