I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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