3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
