can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
