We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
