i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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