Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize