pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
