Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Mom said you looked used
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
