i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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