decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
