So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
