I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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