At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You smell like stripper and shame
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
