well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
