DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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