Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
