You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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