I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
