The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
