Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
