i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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