just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
