I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
