She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
