All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
