I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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