i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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