Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
